Our current state of self-worth is not conscious; we don’t just decide that we are worthy and deserving of deepest dreams and desires.
Our current state of self-worth is subconscious. It’s based on the many years of life that we have experienced that have either strengthened or weakened the initial self-worth programming that we received as children.
As children, we receive our initial programs for how to think, feel and behave. The first 8-10 years is known as our imprinting phase, because it’s at this time that our simple operating system is downloaded.
We learn about our worth from our experiences of life, long before we have the cognitive capacity for reason and logical thinking. Although we don’t understand things logically as children, we pick up our ideas of worth by the way the people closest to us model their own worth, treat each other and treat us.
Our early experiences around worth impacts the way that we see ourselves, think about ourselves and behave.
Although these early years are pivotal times for imprinting the subconscious, recent research has shown that this is not fixed; we are able to reprogram our auto-pilot ways of thinking, feeling and behaving and in doing so, we can experience undeniable positive impacts on our lives.
I am so inspired by this area because my early schooling years were challenging and traumatic times that greatly impacted my ideas about my worth. I have been on a quest to reprogram my subconscious mind in the area of self-worth since I learnt about the subconscious whilst undertaking my degree in my early twenties.
After ten plus years of studying, practicing and researching all things self-worth and the subconscious mind, I can confidently say that I now know exactly what it takes to make big changes here that can go on to impact the rest of our lives.
I deeply believe that healthy self-worth equals success, resilience, the ability to effortlessly attract deep relationships, including romantic partnership, and the ability to create wealth from a purposeful career or business.
So, how can you reprogram your subconscious mind to a new state of self-worth?
There are three important steps to this process. I will provide you with an example of how I supported a client of mine through this process so you understand exactly how this is done.
Step one: Process any traumas or challenging life experiences, especially those that occurred repeatedly that made you feel unworthy, from both when you were young and as an adult. These will likely include experiences at home, school, sport, in friendships, work and romantic relationships. This is best done with a professional who is confident in approaches of trauma release, stress transformation and emotional clearing.
A client recently shared with me her struggles with low self-worth. When we went a little deeper, what came forward was many experiences of being shamed for expressing her emotions as a child. She learnt to hide her emotions, pushing them down and using avoidance strategies that were still affecting her as an adult. The shame she repeatedly experienced left her believing that she was ‘too much’, and that if she showed her true feelings she would be rejected and not experience love and kindness from others.
Step two: Looking at these experiences, consider the beliefs, stories, and assumptions that you have created about yourself.
A quick and easy way to do this is to take my Self-worth quiz. It looks at twelve of the most common beliefs, stories and assumptions around your self worth and gives you a final score.
Once you have this information, it’s time to create an alternate and empowering narrative. I do this using belief statements that are similar to affirmations (see example below) in combination with PSYCH-K.
Some of the beliefs, stories, and assumptions my client had unconsciously taken on were:
- ‘If I show my true self, I will be rejected’
- ‘My emotions are too much for people’
- ‘If I show my emotions I will be a burden’
She realized that these beliefs were affecting her ability to experience deep romantic relationships because, to some degree, she still believed these to be true. We used PSYCH-K, a powerful form of energy psychology that’s goal is to remove the emotional baggage related to old subconscious programs and then imprint new, powerful programs in their place.
Once we cleared the left over emotional resonance, the ‘stress’ and baggage being held in their subconscious around these experiences, it was time to create a new empowering narrative. This is done using belief statements, which are different to affirmations; they are affirmations with intention. They are affirmations without the ‘resistance’ because they have been effectively processed, allowing them to tell a new story and create a new way of being. We created brand new programs like:
· My worth is innate
· It’s safe for me to show my vulnerability
· It’s safe for me to express my emotions
· My authentic expression is beautiful
· Showing my emotions is showing my strength
· I deeply and completely know that I am valuable
Step three: The final step is the most powerful, and you can begin doing this today. It involves taking a stand for yourself each and every day and ensuring that you treat yourself and others treat you of high value.
This involves setting boundaries for how you want to be treated. It involves maintaining and reinforcing your boundaries when they are crossed. It involves choosing not to spend time with people who drain your energy. It involves choosing not to engage in behaviours that leave you feeling drained, and unhappy. It’s about choosing long term gain over immediate gratification. Step three is really about integrity, walking the walk and talking the talk.
If you want to feel an increase in your self worth you need to ensure you treat yourself as a worthy person. Would a person who deeply believes they are worthy put poor quality foods into their body? Would they consistently wake up feeling hung over? Would they buy the cheapest and poorest quality products? Would they continue letting others disrespect them, belittle them or fail to see their worth? Would they trade their time for money in a job they don’t feel inspired to do? Would they stay in a relationship that has passed it’s used by date?
Step three involves uprooting old habits that are tethered to your previous ideas about your worth. When uprooting habits it’s often two steps forward and one step back and that’s OK, we learnt from trying and we build resilience from persevering.
If you haven’t already, watch this video to hear Jakob talk, share examples from his own self-worth journey and take the self worth quiz to see where you currently score.